Ranking Plant Lover Synonyms

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I’m gonna be honest here – I don think I’ve ever found a good word to describe someone that has a lot of plants. There’s not going to be that ‘aha!’ moment of discovering a good name to describe one’s hobbies.

I think fishkeepers win this one, by the way. Fishkeeper 100% does th job, but you can also go by the mysterious and exciting ‘aquarist’ if you so wish.

For us plant enthusiasts, we have a spectrum that ranges from ‘gives me the ick’ to ‘makes me want to jump into the sea with all my plants under my arms’.

Let’s get on with it.

By the way, describe the word ‘ranking’ appearing in the literal title of this article They’ll be in no particular order. I hate them all.

Plant caregiver

This is the one that I use, but I hate myself for it. Everything about it is awful. It’s too long, it suggests I care more than I do.

Oh my god, I’ve just worked out what to call myself. I’m a plant haver. A house plant haver. Sometimes I care for them, sometimes they’re just there.

Plant mom/dad

For a start, this is just the worst thing ever.

For another, if I treated my (non-existent) kids like a treated my plants…

  • months of casual neglect, though no actual abuse,
  • pour water on them ever so often
  • remorsely chuck ugly or diseased ones in the bin
  • feed on a ‘when I remember basis’

…I would rightfully be in prison.

I swear no one uses these terms, they were invented by people who make mugs that are bought by people to give as work secret santa gifts.

Plant parent

Somehow worse??

Plant lover

I mean, it’s a bit sus whilst also being incredibly cringe.

Someone that likes plants

This would be the one if it wasn’t so cumbersome to say.

Plant liker

You’d think this would be perfect, but somehow it’s awful.

Plantsman

I would like this, if it wasn’t gendered. ‘Plantswomen’ isn’t as good.

What I would really like, would be a third, gender-neutral word to replace the gender neutral meaning of the word ‘man’.

For example, if we had the words ‘man’, ‘woman’ and a third word to civer both that isn’t just ‘man’ again.

Before you say ‘human; is right there, I need it to be one syllable. In fact, I would really like a two-syllable word for ‘man’ the sex, and the species can be ‘man’. So man is all of us, woman is for, er, women, and men are now…I dunno, ‘broman’.

Anthophile

This is someone that likes flowers so it’s not *quite* right, but also I’m not keen on anything with ‘phile’ on the end. Certain sections of society really ruined it for the rest of us.

Plant fan

Nah.

Plant admirer

No. No. No.

I can’t articulate why, but I think we can all feel the ick.

(Indoor) Gardener

This conjures up two things:

  • That it’s job
  • That I’m good enough at it to get paid

Whilst both of these things are great, they’re also not very representative of what I’m doing.

Horticulturalist

As above, but more.

House plant haver

This is me. Plant haver for short. I have plants. Sometimes I care for them, sometimes I’m a gardener, but mostly I’m a haver.

This is probably the case for all of those that were suddenly hit with a house plant hyperfixation that mostly waned and now they have a tonne of mediocre plants. This is what you can call yourselves: a house plant haver.

The beauty is that you can be vague and mysterious about the state of the plants that you have. Whether they’re lush and vibrant, or glorified thrips-feeders, you’re still a plant haver!

The only issue is that Grammarly is insisting that ‘haver’ isn’t a word.

I googled synnoyms of the word ‘possessor’ to see if I could come up with something better and it spat out ‘plant buyer’. A bit on the nose, I feel.

Plant owner seems a bit…weird.

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