This is the closest thing to ‘plants that thrive on neglect’ I’m ever gonna write. Plants do NOT thrive on neglect UNLESS you serendipitously put in in the perfect environment and coincidentally water it on purpose.
I hear people say ‘x plant thrives on neglect! I only water it every couple of weeks!
That’s not neglect. That’s just…watering it properly.
So what IS this post?
These are the old guys. I’ve had most of these plants from before I know what the heck and I was doing and they aren’t dead.
Are they doing as well as possible? No. But they are alive, and trust me, there are dozens (maybe hundreds) that weren’t so lucky.
These are survivors.
I’m not saying YOU can’t kill them, I’m merely saying I haven’t killed them. If you can kill them, you’re either doing something very wrong OR they don’t like your environment.
I’ve linked guides/articles about care in the titles and photos so click away if you so wish. If you click and it doesn’t go anywhere i ahven’t written a guide yet but it’s on my list!
1. Ponytail Palm
One day this ponytail palm will be a tree. We’ll all be dead, but she’ll still be going.
I bought this when I first watched the Jenna Marbles video that started everything. She had one, I wanted one. I got one.
It goes outside every summer, and sits in a (cold) window in winter. It grows INCREDIBLY slowly. Water when the caudex is a bit squishy. DO NOT OVERWATER. It can store water in the trunk so the soil needs to be BONE DRY before you water.
2. Peace lily
This is a cutting from a peace lily I’ve had for YEARS. It was variegated when I bought it but, alas, isn’t any more.
Contrary to popular belief it’s quite hard to kill peace lilies, they just spend their entire lives looking like they want to die.
3. Philodendron Golden Dragon
I love this plant for sentimental reasons. It was one of the first ‘rare’ plants I bought, for the princely sum of £29.99.
HOWEVER
It has the growth pattern reminiscent of the slime trail left by a drunk slug.
I’ve tried to train it grow up the walls to try to encourage large leaves but he is having NONE of it.
Every year I cut him back to the soil and every year he comes back wilder than ever. Directly to his right is a MASSIVE south-facing window so light is not the issue.
No idea if I got a weird one but I suspect not, because I’ve heard complaints about their growth pattern before.
4. Ctenanthe Lubbersiana
Grows incredibly fast but the leaves brown so quickly. A great option if you want to see if you can cope with a Calathea because they have similar care needs but grow super fast. If you look in the picture above there are about three new leaves growing at once (the leaves are rolled up but suuuuper thin so they look like sticks).
Gorgeous plants when they behave but pests LOVE them so I recommend keeping them away from other plants
5. Dracaena Tricolor
This poor plant.
I love it so much but I have treated it badly.
Dracaena will tolerate a WIDE range of care methods and it looks like the one above has been VERY light starved for a long time.
Enough is enough. It’s time for a chop.
Voila:
She’s now outside. The top part is propping water and I’m hoping I can pot them up together and get a fuller plant. I’ll keep you posted.
That dracaena has NEVER had pests. I’ve had it since 2018. It is a TROOPER. And it was like 50p from Morrisons.
6. Pilea Peperomioides
The trick to these guys is light. They like long hours of bright but filtered light. Mines in my south-facing bathroom so the frosted glass filters the light.
My recommendation for finding the right spot for Pilea is to try bright spots first and move it further and further away from the light until the new growth comes in green not red.
Don’t worry if the stem looks bare – it happens with age. New pups will grow around the mother plants and fill up the space.
Back when I first got it:
7. Hoya bella
If you want flowers, go for this. Though you do have to lie on the floor to appreciate them properly.
Mine thrives in a north-facing window. I get it down and thoroughly soak it on a monthly-ish basis. Other than good light and watering habits you don’t need to do anything special to get the flowers.
8. Philodendron Florida Green
Thenon-variegated parent of Florida’s Ghost and Beauty. Super to easy to care for and has a really cool leaf shape HOWEVER like the Golden dragon has a WILD growth pattern – it has really long petioles so looks scraggy quickly. I cut mine back in June so this is all I curretly have. She’ll be back in no time!
They often sport sport variegation (a pun!) so have the potential to look really cool and they’re extremely chill when it comes to care.
They are very prone to extrafloral nectaries so beware – these fellas can be sticky.
9. Monstera Thai Constellation
We’re currently not speaking to the Thai. We have had ONE leaf in TWO YEARS.
I’ve moved it into a long pot to see if wants to crawl. I’ll report back. I got mine in 2019 when the first batch of tissue cultured TCs were on the market for *quite* cheap (£90). , I think they rushed them to market and the leaf sheathes were a bit thick so they struggle to emerge (that’s why PPPs always make a right pig’s ear of emerging). I’ve had to perform a caesarean on every leaf I’ve had from the Thai.
It is beautiful though and the roots look INCREDIBLE. Just down to my last two leaves!
10. Schefflera
Perfect, no notes. Like the dracaena she was light starved in her early years so I’m making amends. I’ve chopper her back and shover her outside and roots are starting to grow on the propped section. In the first photo you can see that several new shoots have emerged. I don’t expect them all to grow but wouldn’t it be exciting if they did!
